... this breaks my kokoro to pieces
...... so...... things happened.... and.... My kokoro is still bleeding
So... Inoue and Shoichi are both single again... *touches Shoichi with tears*
... I'll just post this, and then leave it again
Inoue was quite surprised about himself. He had actually managed to touch the other, despite the inner panic and despair he had started to feel by it. But he wanted to keep it up. He knew that the other had waited for him for so long, so very very long… and now Inoue had given in – at least to a handjob. The sticky feeling on his hand made him tremble a bit, but it was so vaguely that it didn’t seem to be noticed by the lustful and loving Shoichi. The blonde had just gone straight for his privacy, to repay the favor the brunette had done to him; but this little fellow would take it a step further. He wanted to use the mouth. When Inoue felt the other’s slightly feminine hand on the outside of his boxers, he froze. Flashbacks started to shoot their way through his mind, created a movie of those horrible memories to play their way in front of his inner eye. He broke down. He instantly pushed the other away, sat up as he with both hands covered up his lower part of the face; and cried. It wasn’t a quiet cry, and it came so sudden out of what appeared to be nowhere. He gasped for air as every feeling inside of him just poured out. He hadn’t cried like this since he was a child, and he just couldn’t stop. He moved backwards in the bed until he felt the wall against his back, pulled his legs up close to his chest as he kept his face lowered, tried to hide away in shame. He couldn’t take it no more. These weeks of intense depression was becoming too much as the other’s action tricked it.
“Ikeda-san… I’m sorry…” he cried.
“I can’t…. I can’t do this….. I just can’t…..” he shook his head over and over again, tried to stop the crying but he just couldn’t. every crying moan that left his lips was a witness of exactly how much sorrow he felt.
“I can’t….. I can’t be with you no more….. I’m breaking up…… I’m sorry…… I…” he couldn’t look at him, and it took him almost half a minute before he continued speaking; he wouldn’t let the other close, and even if he spoke, he couldn’t reply to it.
“…. Asou-kun…. Your room mate…………” his voice was broken, cracked over and drowned in tears.
“…. He….. I went to your room… I wanted to give you back something you accidently had got packed down in my suitcase after the trip to the onsen…. I’m sorry…. I…. he…..” he could barely get the words out as he felt how his world was falling apart, breaking into pieces. It hurt so much to talk about…
From his spot at the bed he got up, started to get dressed. He hated this, hated to let anybody see him cry.
“… He….. He opened the door…. You wasn’t there…… he told me to just put it on your bed…. But when I got in….. he shut the door and locked it…. And he……” he struggled with closing his jeans.
“…… He did something……. I fought back with all force…. But he tied my wrists…. I can’t sleep at night, I can’t eat… It keeps replaying every second I close my eyes….. He forced himself on me….. It still hurts all over my body…. I can’t look myself in the mirror…. I just…. I can’t….” the words got blurred out, and Inoue made many breaks in the speech.. Eventually he had gotten his clothes on.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…. I’m breaking up…… I can’t commit myself to this…. It’s just to drag out the pain…..” he tried to get control of the crying, but it was impossible. Instead he just grabbed his shoulder bag from the floor, rushed out the door and downstairs… He pulled on his shoes and went out into the dark and slightly windy night… He just wanted to find a taxi, and get away, not even giving Shoichi a chance to stop him.