.... It just keeps getting worse, right guys?
... Yes... now he's suicidal... (lol rp is actually going on currently in the chat in this very moment I upload
I shall feed you parts of the rp thete have been written up until now:
Around 2 months had passed by now. Everything felt as if it was melting together; Inoue could hardly keep track of the days as they passed by, and from time to other he would sit and just stare blankly out into the thin air. He had been to classes the past week, but mentally he just wasn't there. He had barely been eating, only talked a bit about it to Sora, and during nighttime he would barely sleep, and when he did, he woke up because of the terrible nightmares. He had lost weight; around 7 kilos and he seemed so very pale. Yet he had managed to keep it up as the time had passed, he had fooled most people when the first two week was passed, and his face had grown even more emotionless than before. He barely looked up from the ground thou, and for him to face anybody was a rare event. The wounds on his wrists were gone, but he hadn't started to wear the bracelet he got from Yori again. He had thought of it, because he really treasured it deeply, but after what happened, he just couldn't. How could he face her again after all this? How could he face anybody? In the end he just couldn't bear with it. He would seem like he had gotten better, but this was nothing but one big fat lie. As every hour passed by he felt worse and worse. His ability to think straight was dying. Whenever he closed his eyes, saw the images from when it happened, and when undressing to take a shower, he could feel the hands touching his skin, the pain replayed in his body, and despite the time that had passed by, he still felt sore in all of his body.
And where had all this gotten him?
The night sky was almost clear, leaving only a couple of clouds on the dark ceiling with the sparkling stars. There was quiet around campus that night, as most students were asleep, and those who wasn't, was definitely not out; why, would you ask? The wind was powerful that night, and the temperature was low compared to how the weather had been the past weeks. Especially up there, the rooftop at the schools tallest building. This was where the brunette had headed up. He used to treasure his life so much. he had survived so long against all odds as he had faced cancer, beatings from his father, a so cruel rejection from his first love, distrust to the world, loneliness... he had survived everything the bad luck of his had thrown at him.. but this... There was no way that he could survive this. Not this time. He didn't WANT
to survive. His breath was heavy and the beat of his heart felt loud as never before. He found himself on the outer side of the wire fence, helplessly with his back up against the wires and the fingers clinging onto it as he faced the horizon. His eyes were glossy, and the cold wind would soon force the tears to run down his cheeks. When would he be okay again? When would he ever be able to feel okay, after what had happened? Rape... who could possibly live on after this? How could he learn to live with the shame, live with the memory? How could he ever look himself in the eyes again, when standing in front of the mirror? A soundless cry left his lips as he closed his eyes firmly. He had gotten here around a year ago by now. He hadn't ever imagined back then, that he would be this far out by now. He had never seen what was awaiting him in the future.
He was determined on ending this now. He did not want to try anymore. He did not want to feel the emptiness inside like this no more. Shoichi was out of his life by now as well. Inoue had ended it, which hadn’t made him feel any better at all… At this point, standing up here, knowing that in a couple of seconds he would be dead, he somewhat wished he had parted with the other in a better way. Somehow he wished he could just have snuggled up to him, hold him as the blonde would tell him everything was going to be okay. But Inoue knew; it wasn’t going to be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again, and to live on like this wasn’t an option. He had done a lot of stuff lately that he in the end wasn’t so proud of. Was this the way payback worked? Was this how karma really functioned?
Inoue slowly moved his body forwards, bended his upper body to watch the ground far down under him… he could barely see the ground those many meters below him, due to the darkness, but he knew there were both trees and bushes. His corpse would be hidden away there for a while. He felt how small hicks of airs left his throat because of the crying; he refused to howl out; what if someone on the floor right below him was awake in that room, and then had an open window? He hadn’t left behind any trails. Nothing, not even a letter to the people he left behind. By now he didn’t care. He hadn’t thought much of the people; in the end he really truly just believed people didn’t care enough about him to miss him for more than maximum a month or two. Why would they anyways? Inoue was nothing but a dull, boring guy without much emotion shown. He felt the air play around with those silky, brown locks of hair. What about Yori…? Would she even miss him at all? -Most likely not. In the end she only had a vague crush on him, not strong enough for her to break up with her boyfriend for him. It had all been nothing but just one long story, filled with heartbreaking chapters where Inoue could do nothing but to sit there, left behind with wishes and dreams for the future. Even if it would just have been a short future between the two of them, he would have treasured every second of it. He would have treasured her every breath, her every word, every touch. But it was not going to happen, and he knew that.
And what about Sora? Him and Inoue had been separated for years, and Sora didn’t seem like he had really missed him. What difference would it make to him, if Inoue disappeared out of his life again? Sure Inoue treasured this guy more than much other things in the world; he trusted him in many ways, enjoyed his company, and with him he could even eat in the presence of others, he could actually smile from time to other too. He could play the piano for him, and only him… but what did it matter? If Sora knew how another male had touched Inoue like that, what wouldn’t he think? What if the video that got recorded that evening got shown to Sora? The video… It haunted Inoue down every time he was close to just push the images aside for a second. If he managed to get it on a safe distance, Kaede wouldn’t hesitate to bring all the memories back with that sadistic smile of his. He would remind him of every single touch, every breath taken when it happened. What Inoue didn’t know, was that Kaede actually didn’t have even one single evil intention behind his actions. Inoue wasn’t aware of how loved he was by that guy; he wasn’t aware of how badly that boy just wanted the brunette to be a part of his life, how badly he wanted to hold him in his arms, take the spot of every girl Inoue had ever slept with. In the end the feelings had driven him mad, and forcefully he had made Inoue belong to him. The video had made sure of that. The last 3 weeks had been filled up with blackmailing. The fear of Inoue’s father would see this was almost killing to the brunette, and he knew it would only be a matter of time before Kaede would touch him again, before the nightmare would replay for real once more. Inoue couldn’t bear the thought of it. He was casting shame upon the family name. a horrible shame he could not tolerate.
With a deep breath did the brunette let go of the fence for some seconds, at first without falling, then he held onto it again. It was now. Now was the time. Farewell possible future cancer. Farewell sorrow, farewell happiness. Farewell Shoichi, Sora, Yori, Konoha, Saki, Mea, Aiko, Haruka, Naomi… farewell family, mom, dad, sisters, brothers…. His fingers started to loose their grib slowly as he inch for inch started to learn forwards.
He really wanted to do this now. He wasn’t just playing some trick. This was for real.Haruka:
He was running. The water splashing at his feet for every step he made, casting echoes all around him. It was dark, making it hard to see the slimy walls of the tunnel around him. But he just kept running straight forward, hoping for that to be the way out... He had to get out, get away... His favorite dress was reduced to a bunch of wet, slimy rags, and his hair had been sharved off... Tears ran down his cheeks and he putted his hand over his mouth to keep from sobbing to loudly. He couldnt allow them to hear him! They were after him! Running forward, he almost stumbled over a rat that made a loud, offended noise and in turn sending Haruka screaming down another tunnel... Oh no, they were closing in! He quickened his pace... if he could just run like this for a while more.... But unfortunately he could not... A great iron gate suddenly blocked his way. He hammered on it, pleading for anyone on the other side to let him in. He could hear them get closer. "We know you're here you little freak! come here!" He almost had to put his hand in his mouth to avoid screaming and he curled up in a corner, wishing to dissappear... but still they got closer, and closer, untill.... Haruka sat up with a sudden upburst. It was lucky that Harukas roommate had dropped out of the school, leaving him alone in the room, or he'd woken him up for sure... He was bathed in sweat and for a few seconds, all he could do was to hug his legs tightly and gently rock himself back and forth. What a terrible nightmare... It was already starting to fade from his memory, but the terrible feeling of being chased was still there. Haruka shook his head and got out of bed, needing to move around a little. He locked himself in the mirror... His hair had grown a little these past three months... In less then a year it should be back to the length he licked... His skin was filed with sweat... it was warm... he needed to get some fresh air... and to move a little around... the nightmare would surely come back if he laid down now, and he didnt need to know how the dream ended.... He pulled a dress from the closet, putted on his shoes and went out for a walk... The air was nice and cool.... he walked around campus, planning on going to one of the roof tops... for some reason he felt like it would comfort him to get closer to the stars... Especially on a beautifull night like this.... He walked up the steps, finding him self to be close to running, eager to get out of the small hall with the staircase... it was way to dark and narrow for his liking right now... Soon he grasped the doorhandle at the door to the roof, a smiling forming on his lips as he opened up to the fresh air and.... his smile vanished... There was another person here... on the opposite site of the fence, ready to let go... it was hard to make out in the dark, but... "YUU!" Haruka called, terrified. He quickly ran to the fench, wanting to somehow grap his friend and pulling him back in, but finding it impossible, as one would have to scale the fence first, risking to fall as well. "Yuu! What are you doing! Please! Come back inside!" he exclaimed, his fingers grapping the fench, close to inoues fingers, his heart in his throat, his mind blank and his eyes felling with tears. Why...? Why...? WHY?! Surely this was a dream? right? This couldnt be happening! His best friend wouldnt do this right? It was not possible... it had to be a nightmare.....Inoue:
As Inoue heard the door go behind him, his fingers tightned as he froze in that position, learned a bit out. And then the voice of Haruka's shot through the air and hit his ears like a roofstone if a heavy storm. ".. I'm sorry... I can't..." he replied in a shaking, broken voice. "..... I don't want this no more, Haruka... I'm sorry..." he felt the fence against his back again as tears just kept rolling down his cheeks. the wind felt so very cold all of a sudden, as if it was blowing through the bones of his body. "...... Just.... walk in again....... I didn't want anybody to see this.... please just... leave me..." he could barely get the words out. How could it have come this far? He couldn't live with it. He couldn't keep up the shame, the guilt, the sadness and heartbroken feelings that always rushed through his body and soul. His knockles had become white from clinging onto the fence like that.Haruka:
"No! Don't say that!" Haruka exclaimed, tears rolling unconrtoled down his cheeks. "I cant leave you like this... Please come back over... I promise it'll be allright... I'll take care of it, i promise... Please... It may be hard now, but i know it'll all be better soon, so please..." Haruka pleaded, trying to push the unbearable thought of Inoue letting go away... He couldnt break down now... it would make it worse, he was sure of it... He... he had to calm down... should he ask what was wrong...? what had driven his best friend to this...? No... no that would only make him remember... make him more likely to let go.... oh why hadnt Haruka taken psykologi class? He needed it now more than ever... "Please, Yuu.... Please..."Inoue:
Inoue's head felt like a mess... He didn't mean for anyone to be traumatized by this.. but he seriously didn't want to climb back over the fence. "... No... Haruka, I ... I can't..... I'm sorry, but... I can't handle this no more.... I've been a disaster all my life! I'm sick and tired of it! Sick and tired of keeping on telling myself that everything will be fine, that things will go right, that I some day will feel happy and at ease.... But that some day just never comes! I don't stand waiting anymore, I don'w want to fall even more apart.... I can't find my sanity, It hurts whenever I breath...." his words was spoken out - for one of the few times through the past couple of years; with so much emotion that he couldn't hold it in his body..Haruka:
Haruka fell silent for a moment. What could he possibly say to someone who felt like this...? "... Life can be though... I know that... everyday... can be like a nightmare," he said, wording his own feelings as well as trying to relate to Inoue. "But someone wise once said; when you're at the bottom, you can't get further down, it can only go up from here.... Yuu... right now you're at the bottom.... And i get that it feels hopeless... But you helped me when everything seemed hopeless, remember? Now please... let me help you... climb back over and I promise I'll help you...." he pleaded, tears still rolling, but with as calm a voice as he could upfold. It was very emotional, but he had to keep calm... panic would only put stress on the other and making it worse... "Please, think of all the people who loves you and would grieve over you.... I... I cant imagine life with out you... You're my best friend... the kindest and most caring person i know... so please.... for once... talk to me, and let me help you!"
Inoue: The brunette wanted to believe the other's words.. but how could he? "Haruka!" he cried out. "I thought I was at the button! I thought I couldn't possibly get any further down.... But it happened.... It always does when I thought it couldn't possibly be worse.... something new comes around... Something new breaks me once more... But I can't handle any more cracks!" his fingers started to loosen their grib as he learned forwards.. he felt dizzy when looking down